On the Coach and Ferry

Villain held up the coach, customs did not want to let him on the ferry.

American Tony called his mum a retard.

Guess what? Simon is telling a story and Uncle Chaz is a loner.

The Union staff are all reliant on Night Nurse.

Welfare also wants to strangle Villain.

Luan and Stef think Welfare and Tony are having an affair, although Luan's initial rumour mill was that he is gay.

Crazy Fruit is crazy.

Sweater Boy is being a bitch.

Luan hates water.

A random requested Norah Jones and we are all falling as-----

Nice Ginger and Bitch Girl have matching tattoos. We think they are a cult.

Nice Ginger gave us chocolate (it was rank).

The Union staff are looking a state, but trying.

Alexis and Stephane had a temporary breakdown in their lovely relationship. They tried to have a romantic walk (ala Titanic) but Cheese intercepted them.

Luan then took Stef off to have a drink with Crazy Fruit; he likes boats apparently.

Friday

Certain members of the Union staff heavily need to redo their make up.

Luan attempted to talk to Bitch Girl and accidentally said she looked a state. She looks maaaad.

Some peoples passport pictures are looking like they were posed for and shot by a professional photographer. Perhaps during "glamour" shoots.

We all look a mess; if Legend was here, she'd be breezing past like Kate Silverton-esque goddess.

Villain wants a kangaroo for Christmas.

Everyone but Alexis has crashed and burnt. She is going to start on the lines of Pick Up soon.

Luan and Alexis have decided to get tattoos.

Luan will get LEGEND permanently tattooed if Alexis gets, and displays the words "I LOVE RHIAN & LAURA K" in henna.

Amsterdam was meant to be a breeding ground for rumour mills and so far it hasn't been.

BUT tomorrow Luan will begin to create some. First she will eradicate the factor that is keeping Alexis and her beloved apart. HA HA!

You know who I mean. I enjoyed the alcohol Ikea. (Written by Luan while stoned)

We have found out through unnameable sources that, yes, even prostitutes can turn down!

Chaz did not enjoy the sex show. He described it as "shocking".

We are in a McDonald's for the second time in an hour.

We have also been to Burger King. But that wasn't in an hour. Sorry, I'm confused. But it's late, ain't it? (Luan again).

Alexis is not in the Amsterdam God-Dam party mood.

She needs some Pick Up to put on her knickers and her make up.

Alexis is becoming a Muslim for the evening. So no more drink and drugs. Until tomorrow, when her life of weed, women and welfare will resume.

There's nothing quite like a McDonald's.

I hate these people. Even you Alexis.

At least Alexis has a new set of friends lined up.

Two of which Luan is sleeping with.

Day 1 finished with Stef and Alexis crashing and burning at 2:30am. Quite impressive considering only had one hour of sleep on previous night.

Villain is unusually quiet and needs to be sharing the love when it comes to smoking the weed.

If Stef and Lex hear the phrase "Yo yo yo, down wit dat shit" and "What's wrong witchu?" one more time they will actually have to kill someone (?) with the enlisted help of Simon.

Stef is worried for Villain, he is smoking unsafe amounts of weed, someone needs to put an end to his addiction.

Stef has not yet bonded with any of the Union staff but they are suffering from PMT. (He feels awkward around Ed Frith and Sweater Boy).

American Tony has changed, he keeps giving Stephane "evils", but he fancies Luan. However is only in country for one more month, so the relationship would crash and burn.

Chaz has returned on his own, not making any effort to talk.

Stephane is in complete awe of Welfare, everytime she talks he laughs but doesn't actually listen to what she says.

Poker and Krankie have announced they are a couple.

No one was shocked or even remotely bothered. We just carried on giggling at random things and ignored them.

Bitch Girl was totally stoned and was telling us the best sex shows, spacecakes and weed. She kept talking over Welfare. She was ashamed and annoyed in a Mandy from Hollyoaks manner.

Welfare's croaky voice effect is achieved by 40 a day from the age of 12.

Drunk Barry hates us.

But Simon has returned, joyfully.

Crazy Fruit is still recovering from trying to eat a bottle. We have blatantly stood him up.

This holiday is all about the randoms!

Saturday

It's morning...well no, it's afternoon.

We cannot go to Anne Frank's house. Luan is upset.

The boys are going to watch Arsenal v. Tottenham in an English bar. What a waste of money. Why pay for a Euro City Break to do that?

Luan told the woman at John Lewis she had flu...HA! She lied, she is really on holiday.

Time to sniff some white lines.

Stef spent 12Euros on a joint. Luan thinks she has spent more on Burger King.

We are looking for the giant chess set (ala Harry Potter).

There will hopefully be pancakes there. If not, Alexis is suing the PMTers.

We went into a restaurant and asked directions to another restaurant.

Villain makes the worst threats ever; "Say that again and I'll shove chocolate in your mouth".

We are on a boat cruising the canals.

Viren is singing a beautiful song.

Stephane needs a woman and he has come to the right place. They're quite cheap.

We are going to buy a bong and get STONED! Again.

That is all we do, we need to more visiting and more stoning later.

Alexis has come to a conclusion, but she has forgotten it.

Alexis has remembered her conclusion, but it has gone dark and she can't write it.

She has never, ever had a conversation with Welfare when Alexis hasn't been a) drunk, b) stoned or c) both. Oh dear.

The boat cruise is a big rip off.

Amsterdam is held up by logs.

Stephane insulted Cheese by saying she looked like Holly Valance.

Amsterdam has 2500 house boats.

Welfare and friend had an "incident" at the sex show but we are sworn to secrecy.

Fuck Malachi he is a cunt.

Louise and Luan were turfed out of H & M.

We have toured every ghetto in Amsterdam.

Cheese has just admitted her porn star past.

Rumour mills of encounters with prostitutes are running rife.

Stef was holding out on the Maryland cookies.

American Tony "got wild" at the Rockery last night. He was "ready to party", but his mum is still a retard.

If Justin Timberlake was Luan's boyfriend, she'd lock him up, though if Legend was her girlfriend she'd let her run the streets.

Legends wear crappy trainers and that's a fact.

Luan and Alexis made a good friend out of Stef's stalker. We think he's pretty cool though Stef still feels violated by the way Ben and John stare at him and have followed him around the beautiful Area 51 in the past.

Luan failed to start a rumour mill(s). John stole her some flowers but no one cared. They were off a grave.

She also walked off with American Tony this morning, trying to spark some kind of fight with a certain Welfare officer.

Though Alexis is just jealous as Luan has been the centre of many exciting rumour mills this weekend, whereas she is still known as a stalker amongst the Union folk.

Welfare was rumour milling that she saw Alexis in a pancake place. She was appreciating the rotation of her tops.

Where Luan pays Welfare compliments via e-mail, Alexis just says "blatantly the same top".

Just like Stef, Luan can tell the difference between black tops and bras. It's all about detail.

Back on the Boat Cruise

On the Coach

Cheese has abandoned us.

The PMTers have given up taking head counts. We think they are hoping to leave Fergus at an Alcohol Ikea.

George (the legend) not only sells porn DVD's, he also stars and directs them. As does Alexis.

We are missing Cheese (well, not really).

Stephane is looking more European than usual and quite sad to be leaving the motherland (the continent).

The CMP students are trying to write their essays on the luxury coach. We think it's due in tomorrow (been there).

We are embarrassed by our tank style, ghetto coach.

Bitch Girl has finally cracked a smile (on the way home).

American Tony had a crap holiday with the PMTers. He can't wait to escape them at X-mas.

George just drove us into a big van.

Sweater Boy shouted at us like the little bitch he is. He called us "a bunch of stupid fucking idiots". We all laughed at him.

Drunk Barry is not on board

Again, no count (ala Home Alone).

Certain people are rumoured to be smuggling magic mushrooms!

George and Sweater Boy are arranging another trip for Spring. George reckons this will include a day trip to watch (and join?) his friends in the porn industry. Sounds like fun, eh?

Well it certainly put a smile back on Sweater/Loner Boy's face.

Sweater Boy has no kind of personality outside the UK.

Alexis has been accidentally recruited into some kind of cult that Kojak is forming.

The boys cult is sounding shit.

Villain got through customs. How did that happen?

John bought a gun, how suspicious is that?

Alexis is going to text Dirty Sexy Stefan as soon as she gets credit and her phone is no longer on "Vodafone Netherlands".

We are passing the white cliffs of Dover.

We are watching Speed.