Globalization - October sometime...

Luan is a big no show, so are Stephane, Mark and Villain.

Stephane is actually here - who knew?

Louise and Alexis teeth are rotting; they need about 20 fillings between them.

Ibgay is chatting shit, we cannot escape we have been barricaded in by randoms and Dene.

She doesnt have a basic grasp of English, we are confused.

Legend is wearing a comedy hat, Luan style.

The Swedish girls are multiplying, mounting an attack against Alexis but Alexis has the support of the student union.

The villain has arrived only half an hour late and has stolen Yanas bag - she is MAD!

Even Ibgays notes on the wall make no sense.

Thats because we are dumb as fuck and dont understand a word of this ridiculous jargon that is completely pointless in the grand scheme of things and is told at us by self obsessed eejits that think they are so much better than everyone else on the damn planet and Im sure I came to this god forsaken place to do more than play noughts and crosses.

The Swedish people pay £700000 a year for this, they deserve more!

I did not come to Uni to steal CDs and harass the staff.

Did somebody say well fair?

Now, not only can we not understand the notes, we cant see them.

Who you gonna call? Richard Burton!

Pretentious Identity Seminar - October 23

A girl in a pashmina defends fashion after Ana Matos attacks it.

Elva is confused.

Michelles friend is wearing excellent boots.

Rosa says that afros and loft conversions are identity politics.

The American girl with no colour in her eyes admits she is a hippy.

Costas should be a male model and not talk.

Globalisation Presentations - 8th December 2002

We are hungover and very tired.

Cheese is still under the influence.

Luan is a massive no show.

Our presentation is rubbish; the Americans are looking ready to heckle.

The Swedish girls are looking like Primark style models with ridiculous Irish/Scottish/Scandanavian accents.

The idiot Yanks are cracking up at Titanic. They need to simmer down.

We are being forced to watch some Swedish porn/comedy
film. I think my head is going to explode.

The Americans need to get out more.

Legend and Co are giving an unintentionally hilarious presentation.

Rakeem was heckling them.

Fizzy is harassing Villain and Chaz.

Round One for the Americans; firstly they cant get a grasp on modern technology.

Angela wants to know why she has to be the one to sit
behind the scary Yank.

American students cannot get out of chairs like normal
people.

We see an Olive Oyl lookalike.

Alexis is a bad influence on the group.

We are gonna sing at Anthi.

Alexis has not yet received any appreciation today from her one woman fan club.

The Americans are unnecessarily chirpy.

They have rubbish font choosing skills. One of them is called Rex. Fool.

Olive Oyl girl has blatantly worked at Disney World introducing shows in an unfunny and overly cheery way.

Headband girl looks concerned and she is getting angry.

She wants to break into a rap song and will beat anyone who tries to stop her. Shit! Help us!

They cant pronounce niche properly.

Cheese is getting into the spirit of the Yanks and is laughing with them.

So is Anthi, but its her birthday so she must be drunk.

Velma from Scooby Doo has stepped up to the podium.

Tarik is patting Abergay.

The Guardian website is apparently both comprehensive and in depth.

Stephane has ditched us for a bunch of randoms.

We want to go to Cally Chicken and to bed...

Anie, Anthi and Gemma are deliberately trying to outdo the Americans.

Mark is about 2 hours late.

Anie is throwing racial slurs at the Americans.

Chaz has ran off.

Someone has hash, Cheese can smell it.

Angela is not allowed to sleep until Alexis is. Cheese will get angry.

The Evils are all about the randoms.

The Americans keep ripping out bits of paper and passing notes around. How childish.

Ana and Ylva are quoting Alan Partridge.

Ana is making everyone laugh, but she doesnt know why.

Hong Yih has done a runner.

Anthi is probably having the worst birthday ever so far.

Both Ana and Ylva look stoned.

Tarik is putting time limits on our creative freedom.

Chaz is a comedy genius.

The boys PowerPoint is in slow-mo.

They keep trying to throw in jokes; the international students are not seeing the funny side. But we are.

The boys keep making the same point but using increasingly bad PowerPoint and puns.

Here comes the Villain!

IBGay cannot work the TV remote - PhD my arse! She is sabotaging the boys beautiful presentation.

We are now watching the Teletubbies. No one can hear Villain; we are really upset.

But we have not laughed so much in a long time.

Villain is showing some trippy science montage.

It is now 12:20pm and we are still here. Let us sleep...

Gwyneth is CRAZY.

Angela wants Pizza Hut food. Lets treat ourselves and fuck off home.

Good thing Angela has her walkman or that older lady will send everyone to sleep.

Alexis has lesbian tendencies towards Gwyneth. We know
these things. We will support you Alexis, power to the gay womens rights.

Who the fuck bought this green pen? Who do you think... Fizzy! Not surprising.

Tarik has no showed! IBGay is missing her Moroccan dreamboat and is texting him in the middle of Gwyneths fascinating presentation.

Where are we? Are we still awake? Louise thinks shes unconscious, somebody help her.

We cant, were too tired....

Tony Blair man is up! He is working with Catalina. She
looks like the summer.

Cheese in is lurve! With Tony Blair boy, even though he looks like a serial killer. She is gazing lovingly at him...

She is trying to catch his eye with her seductive body language. Its not working, he is way too involved acting like Tony Blair.

We wont let Cheese go out with him; he doesnt know how to say yoghurt. But Louise is confident she can turn him to the Kenton way.

He used the phrase esteemed colleague. Legend.

Back off bitches, Spunky American Dude aka Tony Blair
man is actually having a passionate affair with Angela and Fizzy, all at the same time. Angelas going to take him home and smother him.

Tony Blair thanked us all for having him in our country (well, not Fizzy as shes a freshy from Bangladesh).

Fizzy thinks its time she got him deported along with Villain and Rekha.

IBGay denied us, especially Angela, our visuals. We need visuals.

Anti is having a spaz. Someone get him a teddy bear.

Fizzy has volunteered. She always did have a thing for him.

Which leaves Tony Blair boy all for Angela.

Darragh can have Legend now; in his dreams! Shes a legend, hes a wannabe.

Angela wants the combats some girl is wearing. Theyre well nice! Urban chic man, thats what its all about this season!

Angela and Fizzy have taken over! Piss off Alexis, back to brutal Burnley! Where the fuck is Burnley? Exactly, its represented by Bolton!

Its now 12:50 and we are still here. Anthi is shushing us but Anti is up now so hopefully we will laugh. He is wearing a spider web jumper, which is quite funny in itself.